Livin' the Life Page 5

  Mrs. Kipling hissed angrily.

  “There is nothing to talk about. Mrs. Kipling and I have just grown apart,” Ravi said sadly. “It is over.”

  Emma and Luke exchanged looks. They knew just how to play it.

  “Well, maybe you dodged a bullet, Ravi,” Emma said, putting her arm around her brother and lowering her voice. “Mrs. Kipling is pretty needy and clingy.”

  “Yeah, I don’t know how you put up with her for so long,” Luke agreed.

  “Me neither. It’s always all about her: ‘I need a walk.’ ‘I want my claws filed.’ ‘I ordered this rat medium rare!’ She is a terrible friend!” Emma added.

  “Now just hold on a moment,” Ravi said, clearly getting upset. “Mrs. K has not been a bad friend. She has just been a little…down in the swamps lately.”

  “A little?” Emma scoffed. “I asked her to quit being such a diva, and she almost bit my head off—literally!”

  “Yeah, you don’t need to defend her, Ravi. We’re on your side, bro.” Luke nodded. “Lizards be crazy.”

  “Enough!” Ravi shouted, stomping his foot. “Mrs. Kipling is the most loyal, funny, supportive best friend there has ever been! I can’t believe you would say such awful things about her! Come on, Mrs. K, we are going home!”

  Bertram opened the door, and Ravi and Mrs. Kipling marched out of Luke’s room. As soon as the door closed, Emma, Bertram, and Luke all high-fived each other.

  “It worked!” Emma squealed. “Bertram, you actually had a good idea!”

  “And after that rutabaga casserole, you really needed a win,” Luke said.

  “Hey, I felt appreciated for almost five seconds. Thanks for that,” Bertram said sarcastically.

  Just then, Ravi pushed open the door. “BTW, Mrs. Kipling and I just figured out what happened in here,” he said sternly. Then he smiled. “And we love you for it!”

  All through the night, Jessie was dreading playing Quidditch with Mrs. Falkenberg. The next day, she waited outside her classroom until the bell rang. She was wearing her patched-up Quidditch uniform and was dragging a mop. From the hallway, she could hear Mrs. Falkenberg, who sounded happy. Jessie just couldn’t crush her spirit.

  “Quitting time!” Mrs. Falkenberg announced. “Do your homework if you feel like it! No pressure!”

  The kids all gathered up their things and left just as Jessie walked in.

  “I’m ready for practice,” Jessie announced in a monotone voice. She held up her mop. “Since I broke your Cleansweep Eleven, I hope it’s okay that I brought this…Schmutz Buster Five-Thousand?”

  “Yeah, about that…” Mrs. Falkenberg said delicately. “Jessie, you don’t need to come to practice today.”

  “Why? Is my broom grip not as bad as we thought?” Jessie asked, looking amazed.

  “No, no, it is. But…and this is awkward…I’m going to practice with Mr. Itzel instead,” Mrs. Falkenberg explained.

  “Mr. Itzel?” Jessie asked. “The librarian?”

  “Yes! Can you believe he was a Beater for the Central Park Centaurs? How hot is that?” Mrs. Falkenberg gushed.

  “I’m tingling, but—” Jessie began.

  “No offense, Jessie, but you’re a rotten Chaser, a horrible Keeper, and you seem a few Horcruxes short of a soul, if you know what I mean,” Mrs. Falkenberg interrupted.

  “I do not!” Jessie snapped, looking offended. “And I thought I was a really good Snootch!”

  Just then, a fair-skinned man, Mr. Itzel, appeared, dressed in his Quidditch uniform. He was wearing round Harry Potter–style glasses and carrying a Firebolt broom. He smiled and waved happily at Mrs. Falkenberg from the doorway. Mrs. Falkenberg took Jessie by the shoulders and shook her gently. “Jessie, don’t be upset. It’s not me. It’s you.” She picked up her broom and grabbed Mr. Itzel’s hand. “Let’s go, stud muffin.”

  Jessie watched in awe as the pair left, and then she plopped down in Mrs. Falkenberg’s desk chair. It made a fart-like noise. “Oh, shut up!” Jessie snapped at it.

  Zuri walked in a moment later. “I just saw Mrs. Falkenberg and Mr. Itzel heading into the park. I guess you’re off the hook.”

  “I can’t believe Mrs. Falkenberg dumped me for someone who sunburns in fluorescent lighting.”

  “I can,” Zuri said matter-of-factly. “I set them up.”

  “You did?” Jessie asked. “Why?”

  “Well, I thought about how you said Mrs. F deserved a real best friend. And when I saw how unhappy Ravi was without his best friend, I knew I had to find Mrs. Falkenberg her Mrs. Kipling,” Zuri explained.

  “Aw, but how did you know Mr. Itzel would be a perfect match?” Jessie smiled. She was touched by Zuri’s thoughtfulness.

  “He wears little round glasses, an owl sweater, and calls his minivan the Hogwarts Express.” Zuri shrugged. “I took a wild guess.”

  Jessie pulled Zuri into a big hug. “Well, that was very sweet of you, Zuri.”

  “You’re not really upset that you got dumped, are you?” Zuri asked.

  “Nah. At least this breakup didn’t involve my birthday and a jumbotron. But she’ll miss me.” Jessie flipped back her cape. “They always miss me.”

  Luke walked into his room to find that it looked like a tornado had swept through it. There were clothes everywhere, papers scattered all over the floor, and piles of dirty dishes on every available surface.

  “What happened in here?” he yelled.

  Ravi and Mrs. Kipling jumped out from behind his bed. “Surprise!” Ravi yelled. “I wanted to thank you for letting me crash at your bachelor pad.”

  “So let me get this straight,” Luke said. “You and Mrs. Kipling waited for me to leave the apartment, then you came in here and trashed my room…to thank me?”

  “That is correct,” Ravi said, nodding.

  “Dude,” Luke exclaimed, “you are the best brother ever!”

  Luke pulled Ravi into a big hug and then high-fived Mrs. Kipling’s tail.

  “I know, right? Maybe the three of us should room together!” Ravi suggested enthusiastically.

  Luke’s smile faded and he glared at Ravi, pointing at the door. “Get out.”